Reports indicate that feminist man Jack Walker thinks you should smile less. “I just think if you smiled less you’d look a lot smarter,” Walker said, adding that women only smile because of sexism. “Believe it or not, you’re more than just your looks.
A new report has been published revealing that the “Give a Hoot, Don’t Pollute” owl can only be some sort of advanced sentient animal capable of understanding climate science.
The report, over 60 pages in length, lays the framework for the level of sentience required of the owl to both understand the pun contained in ‘giving a hoot,’ as well as the broader societal implications of pollution.
A recent study on family dynamics found that there’s nothing quite like a lake, a canoe, and a writhing fish to end years of resentment between a father and a son. “The most effective way to halt a decade’s worth of emotional turmoil and passive-aggression is no doubt to put both father and son on a boat in the middle of a lake, hand ‘em each a big metal rod and a spool of twine, and let the healing happen,” said family therapist Jean Bundt.
Giving a bashful little flick of its tail before swimming under a local whale hunter’s boat, a total flirt of whale is driving local grizzled whale hunter so wild.
Maritime sources confirm that Captain Bahboo is absolutely frothing at the helm of his whale-hunting ship ever since his little captain hat fell into the water and the whale salaciously juggled it into the air a few times before putting it on and swimming off.
A Young Bull named Buck has announced that he will stop at nothing to catch the dangling piece of red fabric that killed both his parents.
“If I see that motherfucker, I’m going after it. No questions asked,” said Buck, while sharpening his horns on a rock.