According to sources, Dr. Fred Garwood matter-of-factly stated your blood pressure is 114/78, despite you having no idea what the fuck that means.
“Your blood pressure is 114/78,” Dr. Garwood casually told you, unaware this conveyed absolutely no information whatsoever to you regarding your health.
Upon her yearly visit to her grandparents’ house in Upstate New York, Shayna Dupaque learned of her grandparents’ death the tough way when she encountered their post-mortem pop up estate sale.
“I didn’t know Grammy and Pop Pop had died until I pulled up their driveway and the house was full of people paying with cash or check for our family heirlooms,” said Dupaque, dodging estate-sale goers carrying away Dupaque’s childhood stuffed animals they bought at a bargain price.
A recent report indicated that the person you are currently arguing with actually was born yesterday, you asshole.
“Records show that this little guy is one day old and doesn’t know anything,” the report read, in reference to the apparent infant that you’re insensitive ass just insulted.
Furiously reading over articles about JV basketball, high school newspaper Editor-in-Chief Theo Harkness is reportedly way too intense for a monthly paper called Wildcat World.
“I mean, he takes it super seriously,” said staff writer Kathy Pine, sitting in front of a poster of the school’s mascot, Willy the Wildcat.
A local racehorse is so dialed in that he doesn’t even need his regulation side blinders, instead opting for a more natural approach to his craft. “He’s really just more interested in the task at hand,” said Fred Fandango, Jockey of Sloppy Retreat, a 1,100-pound beast comprised mostly of testosterone, adrenaline, and muscle who’s never needed blinders in his life.