Reports from a secret military facility in New Mexico indicate that local drone operator Jonathan Fremont has leveled up, after taking out a convoy of Al-Qaeda militants in Pakistan earlier this afternoon.
“It was a real grind, but I’m excited to have finally reached Level 21 in unmanned aerial vehicle combat,” Fremont said as he watched the replay of the killing on his computer screen and reached for a celebratory Red Bull.
What in God’s name is going on!? Our radar is showing that you, the reader, have commandeered a helicopter and are flying it across the 44th parallel—headed directly for enemy lines! You know damn well that this entire operation depends on the element of surprise! If you do not immediately return to base the whole mission is scuppered beyond repair!