Saying that they hope to provoke discussion about a controversial topic, Brown’s Janus Forum lecture series will host a debate between white supremacist Rick Foster and even meaner white supremacist Dan Donahue this month, sources confirmed.
“The Janus Forum is committed to hearing diverse perspectives on a variety of difficult issues,” Political Theory Project Director John Tomasi said, noting that Foster’s mild-mannered white supremacy will serve as an important counterpoint to the violent and unhinged white supremacy of Donahue.
Saying that she is perfectly content to just enjoy the party from her favorite chair, 87-year-old grandmother Helen Gellman reportedly set up camp in the corner of a family party at her daughter’s home on Sunday. “I’m just fine right here, I like to watch you all having a good time,” said Gellman, who had a hip replacement in August and has reportedly remained seated for the entirety of the party with a blanket draped over her knees and a small plate of snacks, petting the cat whenever it walked by the chair she had settled into.
Area man Mike Haddon reportedly spent last Wednesday showing his high school aged daughter, Sarah Haddon, around his alma mater, nostalgically pointing out the food truck where he ordered late-night burritos to eat alone in his room.
“I can’t believe Marty’s still exists! I must’ve walked to this truck in my pajama pants at least four nights a week,” Haddon told his daughter excitedly, smiling upon remembering the time he ate a large burrito in five minutes, in the dark, so he would not wake his sleeping roommate.
Results of a recent poll revealed that 98% of freshmen dislike it when you crawl into their beds at night and whisper the speech from “Braveheart” into their ears.
The survey’s results show a slight increase from last year’s freshman class in the amount of people who wouldn’t want you between their sheets at 3:00 a.m.
According to a recent report addressing university spending, Edmure Grogoch, the reclusive hunchback of the bell tower, is still the highest paid university employee.
Grogoch, Keeper of the Bells at Carrie Tower, has an annual income of nearly $3 million.