RIPTA officials announced yesterday that buses will now automatically scream phrases such as “AGH!” and “Oh shit!” when making difficult turns.
“Due to how successfully our “bus is turning” announcement has notified the public about bus turns, RIPTA will now use terrified screams of “Move! Move! Move!” and “Coming in hot!” to warn drivers and pedestrians if the bus driver is going to try a turn that could be dangerous,” RIPTA CEO Ray Studley announced yesterday.
Unsure whether to prioritize individual contributions to the project or his own friendships with people, sophomore Max Fiegel could not decide what order to write group members’ names at the top of his ENGN90 project.
“I must have spent twenty minutes copying and pasting our four names into different orders,” reported Fiegel, adding that he used his knowledge of introductory statistics to figure out how many combinations he’d have to try out.
520,000,000 BCE: The eye was proving to be a pretty sick adaptation
450: Atilla the Hun killed everyone in Europe
700 The Vikings pillaged Scandinavia for its valuable snow
1222: The plague killed everyone in Europe
1791: Mozart wrote his last opera but it was total shit
1903: The Wright Brothers conquered their fear of heights
1918: The Influenza Pandemic killed everyone in Europe
1922– Music wasn’t boring anymore.
Cleaning out his bag in preparation for the new school year, junior Eric Meyer happened upon a weathered and ripped syllabus that reminded him of a time long passed.
“It took me a couple seconds to even vaguely discern what the torn, pinkish piece of paper was,” Meyer recounted.
While introducing himself in a senior seminar, Brian Donaghy ’18 provided an underwhelming detail about his life that would serve as his first impression for weeks to come.
“The fun fact is a classic ice breaker so I thought everyone just came in with a default one they had tried out and workshopped a couple times,” said classmate Stella Morales, saying she thought she knew what to expect.