Sources report that freshman Cady Salib is eager to create an exact replica of her high school friend circle from a candidate pool consisting of the entire Class of 2021.
“I came to Brown so I could meet a diverse group of people that I could comb through to find an identical group of friends,” explained Salib.
Hey, kid. You’re entering the most transformative stage of your life. Take some advice from someone who’s been there before: college is all about discovery. It’s the perfect time to discover what actually happened to aviation pioneer Amelia Earhart.
RIPTA officials announced yesterday that buses will now automatically scream phrases such as “AGH!” and “Oh shit!” when making difficult turns.
“Due to how successfully our “bus is turning” announcement has notified the public about bus turns, RIPTA will now use terrified screams of “Move! Move! Move!” and “Coming in hot!” to warn drivers and pedestrians if the bus driver is going to try a turn that could be dangerous,” RIPTA CEO Ray Studley announced yesterday.
After unearthing a photorealistic drawing of a buffalo carbon dated back to 20,000 years ago, a team of archeologists affiliated with National Geographic assert that cave drawings were pretty shitty by that time’s standards too.
“For so long we’ve been praising cave paintings for how advanced they must have been for their time,” said J.B.
Spurred by last year’s tough loss, Scripps National Spelling Bee runner-up Rohan Rajeev has been hitting the weight room hard in preparation for the upcoming spelling season.
“After the finals, Rohan was pretty distraught,” said Rajeev’s mother, who initially feared her son was neglecting his dictionary work, but has since been inspired by her son’s pursuit of excellence.
520,000,000 BCE: The eye was proving to be a pretty sick adaptation
450: Atilla the Hun killed everyone in Europe
700 The Vikings pillaged Scandinavia for its valuable snow
1222: The plague killed everyone in Europe
1791: Mozart wrote his last opera but it was total shit
1903: The Wright Brothers conquered their fear of heights
1918: The Influenza Pandemic killed everyone in Europe
1922– Music wasn’t boring anymore.
In a company press release issued last Tuesday, Uber has reported its failure to find success with its latest venture into gondola ridesharing anywhere outside of Venice.
“Times have been tough for Uber lately but this gondola thing has really been hitting us where it hurts," said Roman Vorp, an Uber board member.