By instituting unprecedented budget cuts to many student organizations, the Undergraduate Finance Board has generously opted to provide many members of the Brown community with their first experience of financial difficulty.
“As the student body’s financial representatives, the success of student organizations is our greatest goal, and we are truly dismayed to offer a smaller budget than usual,” stated UFB President Sara Hedges, dutifully authorizing massive reductions for BCA, a capella, and many other beloved student groups.
After a suspiciously detailed Ghost Tour through the Old Withers Manor, tourists were unsettled when tour guide Paxton Humphrey knew a little too much about the gruesome murder that took place in the manor to not have been there.
“This is the very spot where the sisters Margaret and Lorraine Withers clung to the bannister, begging for their lives as the killer swung his vintage, collector’s 1926 Scout Ax at their heads,” said Humphrey, reenacting the proper ax swing form like he had been the ax-wielding murderer there on the day of the crime.
According to Astronaut Mike Danford, he only made it to space so he could play with those little floaty water globules.
“I love those damn things, I did it all for them,” said Danford, even though he had to go through nearly a decade of training and schooling to get to where he is today.
Vague reports from Providence’s scary part suggest that Mayor Skeleton has probably just passed a new bone law or something like that. “We aren’t sure what the law is, but he is Mayor Skeleton, so it’s probably something about bones,” said spooky reporter Ghoul Jackson.
The red wheelbarrow from modernist writer William Carlos Williams’s 1938 poem is reportedly entirely unaware of its rampant fame.
“This poem is really important when we think about symbolism,” said middle school English teacher Mattie Reynolds to her sixth-grade class, as the red wheelbarrow, oblivious to its status as a household name, just sat in a field on a far-away farm.
According to a recent report out of Vartan Gregorian elementary school, Maddie sang “Firework” at the talent show and everyone knew it was about Kayden.
“I really love Katy Perry and I want to be a singer when I grow up, so I sang “Firework” because of that,” explained fifth grader Madelyn “Maddie” Sheir, ignoring the fact that everyone already knows she sang “Firework” because she has a big fat crush on Kayden.
You know what they say—teamwork makes the dream work. Together we stand, divided we fall. Many hands make light work. Those all may be true. But let’s get it straight—while there is no “I” in Team, there is a “T.”
Let’s be clear—I love my team.
POINT:
Brown did such a nice job on these new dorms, I love the design, and how the brick facades match the older dorms but also add a modern look to campus. These common rooms are like hotel lobbies, and you can see how it brings students from all different floors together to work and hang out in the evenings.
Partly Cloudy, 64°
